There is one very painful moment in the decision to publicly come out: when people start to leave and turn away. It's very scary. But even worse is the moment of waiting: when a person is in a point A and fantasizes about how everyone will turn away from him. Many people whom I have had the opportunity to communicate with tell about this, but at the same time I have never heard any really monstrous stories. That is: there was an expectation of a catastrophe, but it did not happen. This, of course, does not relate to children of priests or simply very religious people. Although in America there were cases when the family repudiate the church, and not the child, but this is rather an exception.
I personally consider that opening up is better. Less neuroses, less stress. But there are those who choose to be in a point A constantly. There are those who hate LGBT activists. They say: "Why are you giving away and giving us away? They will soon begin burning us at the stake!
Everyone makes his own choice, and this is a very difficult choice. I do not decide for everyone, but I know that it often happens like this: a person decides to be silent, and then he enters the community of people who are open at least within the community, and the views change quickly. I see it throughout four years that I work in "Raduzhny Mir". Because when such a community appears in a person's life, he regains a sense of normality. In my practice there were situations when a person considered himself defective, unworthy of normal relations and love. A couple of years pass, the attitude to yourself changes, and love comes.
To open fully one should ripen. If a person believes that now is not the time to do this, it means that he does not have the resources. I am very scrupulous and attentive to this, so that not to push anywhere, to hurry up, "not to drag by the horns." Sometimes I am even inclined to slow down them. Sometimes it happens that a person visited a rainbow flash mob in St. Petersburg, returned and said: "That's it! I am going" I say: "Listen, maybe you will wait a week and come around?". If a person is really ready, then in a week he will really go and begin changing his life. And if he returns to his usual life and realizes, for example, that in case of a public coming-out he would lose his source of income, his house, some other basic things and decide to wait - this is also correct.
When a person is sitting and fantasizing about coming out and what happens after that, it is better to immediately list certain risks and look for ways to solve potential problems in advance. Teenagers do this "automatically". For example, they estimate in advance where they will spend the night if they are driven out from the house.
Also do not forget about physical security. Homophobes do not often kill. More likely to die under the wheels of a car than from the hands of a homophobe. But this if we are speaking about the societies where a progressive stratum that protects LGBT rights is already being formed, and the subject is somehow in the space of public discussion. What is impossible in Perm becomes absolutely real in Chechnya or Tajikistan.
Recently I am inclined to think that it is impossible and not necessary to prepare yourself to the manifestations of homophobia from the society, softening the soil of own consciousness, so that later, when someone will conditionally start to "rape" me, it would not be so unpleasant to me. Suppose I come to gynecologist. I am 36 years old and I have no children. And the gynecologist says: "Ah, you have no children! And what about abortions? Have you got any? You know, you do need children, you probably have migraines. In any case you will be geriatric mother..." and so on. If I had prepared myself - well, these are gynecologists, they are probably tired, tortured, they are fighting for Putin's plan to increase the birth rate - I would have sighed and said nothing. But she gets not into her own business at all! And in the situation when it does not threaten my life and health, I would say: "If you continue this dialogue now, I will go to your manager. What you do is called reproductive violence and pressure".
Indignation and hysteria are not always bad. If you are ready to protect your rights or the rights of the child, it is necessary to do this. Protection is the healthiest reaction. If in transport someone got up on my foot, I would not stand and think: may be a person had a bad day, may be it's not my foot, or may be my feet are too big? You should take the other's leg and throw it off. Off your foot or throat. Pain is something that should not continue. Discrimination and hatred are pure violence that cannot be tolerated.
Yes, we do not always have resources for protection. You need to seek them, and they are usually found in the outside support.